Yearning

I want to be the best leader I can be.  I have a strong yearning, deep from within my soul, to be part of a change that improves our world.  And yet, when it comes to vision, this is truly where I have been struggling recently.

I have a difficult time seeing that we will make a shift as a society.  There’s a part of me that questions whether the amazing efforts that people are making to support the Great Turning will make a damn bit of difference. 

I love this world.  I look through a window, with four panes, single-panel glass, at this beautiful world, and I feel part of it, but also detached at times. I love the plants, animals, soil. This world is so magical!  Yet it feels like 95% of people don’t see it this way.

Or maybe they get glimpses, but then they lose it.  I know this happens for me this way, too.  I feel torn and confused. I want to make a big difference, but I’m uncertain where my role can make the biggest difference.  At work?  At the organizations I volunteer with?  All are important.  All are needed.  The task seems so enormous!

And as I look at myself, I see how fxxking serious I am about all of this!  It’s hard to remember to laugh.

The truth is that I have no idea what ideas and actions might arise from my work.  I think back to times when people said I’m inspiring.  And in these moments, I felt like I was in my flow, and like I was part of a tribe.  I had community in that moment, and it felt blissful, secure, protected.  Sitting around the fire sharing our souls.  How beautiful.  I feel inspired by those moments, especially the ones where I witness people transforming right in front of my eyes.

I want to create those opportunities for people, and yet I also feel inadequate, like I don’t know how to do it, even though I know I do.  I think of one of my mentors, who teaches to let go of the need to know and the need to control.  She says to trust the work, and to trust the mystery.

I’m hungry for helping people in this way.  I’m hungry to support people in their grief, and to witness them transforming into someone greater than who they think they are.  This feels right to me.  I can feel it in my bones. Maybe if I follow this bread crumb a little farther, it can lead me home.

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Stef FrenzlStef Frenzl is a dreamer and weaver of stories.  At King County, he serves as a Social Marketing Specialist for the Local Hazardous Waste Management Program, where he develops behavior change campaigns to protect people and the environment from exposure to hazardous chemicals. He has also had the fortune of wearing many other hats that strive to contribute to the wholing and healing of our world, from spotted owl biologist, land and marine conservationist, teacher, herbalist, musician, soul guide and storyteller.